Critics Choice Wins

Just a simple take on the Critic’s choice awards.

BEST PICTURE: Argo

It seems like they wanted to give this movie one last ‘hurrah’ before it gets shut out by other awards groups.

BEST DIRECTOR: Ben Affleck, Argo

Must be a consolation prize for his Oscar snub. Seriously, Academy. What the heck?

BEST ACTOR: Daniel Day Lewis, Lincoln

“That’s surprising,” says absolutely nobody.

BEST ACTRESS: Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty

Looks like she’s going to win the Oscar too. But little Quvenzhane Wallis is waiting in the wings.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Phillip Seymour Hoffman, The Master

Whoop! Whoop! Sorry, I needed an extra jolt after all those Academy snubs.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables

It looks like voters are dreaming Hathaway’s dream. Wake up! She’s only in the film for ten minutes!

BEST ACTING ENSEMBLE: Silver Linings Playbook

I personally would have voted for Moonrise Kingdom, but this is my runners up.

BEST YOUNG ACTOR/ACTRESS: Quvenzhane Wallis, Beasts Of The Southern Wild

Well, good to know that all the good in the universe still has a heartbeat.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Django Unchained

Because we’re just not done celebrating Tarantino, now are we?

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Lincoln

Well, yeah. No real shock here.

BEST FILM EDITING: Zero Dark Thirty

See, Mom? That’s two critics choice awards for Zero Dark Thirty. Now will you let me see it?

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: Life Of Pi

Two thumbs up for Life Of Pi! Keep crossing your fingers and this will end up winning Best Picture.

BEST ART DIRECTION: Anna Karenina

This movie and Les Miz are ready to wrestle it out over Art Direction.

BEST COSTUME DESIGN: Anna Karenina

Hey, a period piece about british royalty! That hasn’t won this award in a few years!

BEST MAKEUP: Cloud Atlas

Take that, Academy!

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: Life Of Pi

That’ll do, tiger. That’ll do.

BEST ANIMATED FILM: Wreck It Ralph

For the first time since its creation, this category is difficult to call.

BEST ACTION MOVIE: Skyfall

Shame it got in over Dark Knight, but, whatever.

BEST ACTOR IN AN ACTION MOVIE: Daniel Craig, Skyfall

Okay, he was awesome. Nobody does Bond like Craig does.

BEST ACTRESS IN AN ACTION MOVIE: Jennifer Lawrence, The Hunger Games

Odd that Lawrence won two awards tonight, but it makes sense that Jennifer would win something for this terrific performance.

BEST COMEDY: Silver Linings Playbook

What, did you think it was going to lose?

BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY: Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook

The three comedy categories are some of the most redundant awards categories in history

BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY: Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook

I do have to give Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis some credit for not turning to the camera and saying “I’m sorry, It’s too stupid.” They have courage.

BEST SCI-FI/HORROR FILM: Looper

I think everyone saw that coming.

BEST FOREIGN FILM: Amour

Didn’t care for it.

BEST DOCUMENTARY: Searching for Sugar Man

Where is Sugar Man, anyway?

BEST SCORE: Lincoln

I thought this might be going to Life Of Pi. Clearly, an Oscar vote divided against itself cannot stand.

BEST SONG: “Skyfall”, Skyfall

Hey, I’ll buy anything as long as Ted isn’t nominated.

Peace out!

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