BEST PICTURE: Argo
The greatest movie never made has picked up a slew of awards.
BEST BRITISH MOVIE: Skyfall
I’m James Bond, and I’m totally awesome.
BEST DIRECTOR: Ben Affleck, Argo
How many awards does this guy have yet? I wouldn’t be surprised if Affleck wins the Oscar by default.
BEST ACTOR: Daniel Day Lewis, Lincoln
Want to make an Oscar movie? Take a respected Hollywood actor and make them play a respected historical figure. I’ll win an Oscar right now: Jeff Bridges as George Washington!
BEST ACTRESS: Emmanuelle Riva, Amour
This could be her last chance to win an Oscar, but don’t count on it.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Christolph Waltz, Django Unchained
Django Unchained is the only Best Picture nominee that I have yet to see.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Anne Hathaway, Les Misérables
I think that I’ve already said everything that can be said about her.
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Django Unchained
Looks like it’ll win the Oscar, too.
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Silver Linings Playbook
Definitely the best of the lot.
BEST EDITING: Argo
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: Life Of Pi
Best of the year!
BEST ART DIRECTION: Les Miserables
My personal favorite. I’m starting to sound like a broken record, aren’t I?
BEST COSTUME DESIGN: Anna Karenina
The eventual Oscar winner.
BEST MAKEUP: Les Misérables
Works for me, now I don’t have to see the other two nominees!
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: Life Of Pi
None of the award shows I’ve seen rank this as a serious contender (for Best Picture), which is a shame.
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE: Skyfall
Score one for Thomas Newman!
BEST SOUND: Les Miserables
Looks like it’s on its way to an Oscar. But the tigers come at night..
BEST ANIMATED FILM: Brave
Ralph, you’ve got competition.
BEST FOREIGN FILM: Amour
Maybe every other foreign movie this year stunk.
BEST DOCUMENTARY: Searching For Sugar Man
Not sure if I have to see this one before Oscar night.
BEST SHORT FILM: Swimmer
Never heard of it.
BEST SHORT ANIMATION
BEST RISING STAR: Juno Temple
You know, that minor character in Dark Knight Rises. Totally not like Quvénzhane Wallis. Seriously, get a clue!
BEST DEBUT BY A BRITISH WRITER, DIRECTOR, OR PRODUCER: Bart Layton and Dimitri Doganis
The british are bringing sexy back.